When Being Helpful Actually Hurts Your Team

One of my executive coaching clients (let’s call him Dave) recently had an impressive insight.  I’ve shared it (sanitized for confidentiality, of course) with some of my other clients, each of whom said the concept was immediately actionable and impactful.  Applying the concept feels counterintuitive to leaders who pride themselves on their willingness to roll up their sleeves and pitch in when things become challenging for their teams.

One day last month, an employee at Dave’s company said to him, “When you jump in to help us too quickly when things are hectic, it makes us think you don’t trust us.”  That bit of feedback hit Dave like a ton of bricks. The last thing he wanted to do was to create a culture where his employees didn’t think he believed in them.  His profound insight came next.  Dave said, “It dawned on me that I was robbing my team of the opportunity to develop.  Looking back at my career, I remembered that I grew the most during times when things were moving fast, and I was feeling stressed.  Those times highlighted the areas I needed to develop. I need to stop rescuing my people from their pain.”

This story illustrates the concept that our leadership challenges are typically the underbelly of our strengths.  Because we have compassion (a healthy leadership trait), we want to spare our employees pain or duress.  So, we jump in to “help” when the going gets tough.  Our effort, however well-intentioned, may keep our people from developing their full potential. It’s difficult for Dave to avoid jumping in too early to help, because his willingness to “get things done” had resulted in recognition and promotions throughout his career. He’s been the go-to guy forever.  Now, as the head of the organization, he simply doesn’t have time to be the go-to guy except for challenges that only he can solve.  Sometimes it’s necessary for a leader to “go down the stairs” for a particular reason, but these trips should be few and far between.  Otherwise, our teams don’t develop the capabilities to solve problems at their level, and they don’t develop junior leaders.  As the head of the organization, Dave needs to spend more time looking up and out.  He can’t do this if he’s constantly being drawn down and in when things seem overwhelming for his team.  So, what’s the counterintuitive alternative to hurting the team by being too helpful?

First, reframe what you see.  Instead of seeing a group of stressed people that we need to protect, see a team of capable professionals who will emerge from the chaos with more executive presence (clarity of purpose, level-headedness), skills, resilience, and confidence if given the opportunity to push themselves outside of their comfort zones.

Next, ask questions. And then ask more questions.  Asking your team open-ended questions (those that cannot be answered with a yes or no) will cause them to think differently about what they’re encountering.  Hearing themselves answer those questions will give them perspective. Instead of helping by rescuing, ask questions like, “What have you tried so far?  What’s the one thing you can fix right now that might take care of a bunch of smaller issues immediately?  Who else might need to be involved with this?  What have you seen before that reminds you of this?”

Finally, jump into the fray only if there’s something that only you can do to avert a crisis. This is easier said than done; staying out of the action might even feel unkind.  But remember, the unkindest thing we can do for our teams is to leave their potential undeveloped.  Sometimes pain and chaos are the best accelerants to growth.